


swept away

by btajh



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Up, Mild Language, openish but happy ending, winkdeep and hwangdeep friendships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 11:56:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13903512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/btajh/pseuds/btajh
Summary: “I just feel like—” Jinyoung cuts Minhyun off. He doesn’t appear to mind. “Nothing is going right lately. Like the whole world is working against me. And... and I don’t want to sound... ungrateful, but... I just. That’s just how I feel.” His throat hurts after speaking only a few words, and his stutter comes out an embarrassing amount. He shoves his face further into the stuffed animal.(Jinyoung and Daehwi have their first falling out ever, and the only people who can fix it are themselves.)





	swept away

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: this is not real, yes they are friends irl, i don't claim any of this happened, etc. 
> 
> with that being said, please enjoy! i put a lot of love into this fic. thank you to kuro, franki, and haru for betaing!

“Hyung, stop,” Daehwi whines, tapping away on his phone.

Jinyoung blinks, glancing sideways, half of a piece of chicken hanging out of his mouth. He takes another bite, swallows, then licks his lips, waiting for Daehwi to elaborate, but he doesn’t.

“What?” Jinyoung asks.

Daehwi doesn’t dignify him by looking at him when he continues. “You’re getting crumbs on my lap.”

Immediately offended by Daehwi’s assumption that he’s Jihoon-levels of messy eating, he looks down at Daehwi’s lap. There’s maybe _one_ crumb on the leg closer to where Jinyoung is sitting, and he rolls his eyes. Typical.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, shifting away from Daehwi. He plucks another piece of chicken out from the container and watches Woojin and Jaehwan do something inexplicably weird on the other side of the room.

The chicken isn’t his favourite flavour—it’s Jihoon’s, obviously, since he would flip if they ordered anything else—but it still sits nicely on his tongue. It’s been a day or so since they had anything other than prepackaged meals, salad, and energy drinks, so he savours every bite.

Until Daehwi screams again, practically flinging himself off the couch.

“Hyung!” he yells, wiping his pant legs. “Seriously?”

Jinyoung squints very hard at Daehwi’s pants, and at the seat, but he still doesn’t see anything that warrants Daehwi raising his voice at him. He wishes he did, because then he could apologize sincerely, but, well. Daehwi’s just in a mood, he supposes.

“You’re just imagining things. There’s no crumbs.” He swipes his palm over the leather seat where Daehwi was sitting, still warm. “See? Besides, it’s just chicken.”

“I don’t care,” Daehwi sniffles. “I felt it land on me.”

Jinyoung tries very, very hard not to roll his eyes, and fails. Daehwi marches off with his phone in hand, furiously tapping away, probably texting one of his other friends some exaggerated story about how Jinyoung dropped an entire piece of chicken on him.

He chews a little more roughly after that, taking his anger out on his food, and he doesn’t really care now whether or not he gets crumbs on the empty spot beside him.

 

 

Unfortunately, the crumbs weren’t the first time.

One week earlier: Jinyoung is sitting on his bed, separating his laundry when Daehwi walks in, hair wet and falling over his eyes. He looks cute for approximately two seconds before his expression contorts into something upset, and Jinyoung’s stomach falls. Daehwi’s been a whole host of bad moods lately, and Jinyoung doesn’t know how to deal with them.

He’s not sure what’s changed, other than that every time Daehwi sends him a look that isn’t happiness, anxiety creeps up on him like a snake and wraps around his throat, stopping him from speaking. He usually has no issues with talking to Daehwi—about their work, their personal lives. Anything, really. He doesn’t get it, because it’s just _Daehwi_ , but he still doesn’t have the strength to ask why Daehwi is suddenly glaring at him as he climbs up his ladder to his bed.

It feels like a fight is coming, just by how Daehwi doesn’t even greet him. Jinyoung folds faster, hoping to avoid confrontation. He likes arguing when he’s right, but he doesn’t even know Daehwi’s mad about, so he has no idea if he has a fair chance here.

Unfortunately, Jinyoung isn’t that good with his hands, and his folding skills are apparently not fast enough to avoid Daehwi’s rising temper.

“That’s my shirt,” he says shortly. 

Jinyoung peeks over the edge of the top bunk, but Daehwi is pointedly looking at his phone. His thumb isn’t even moving, so he probably isn’t doing anything other than avoiding meeting Jinyoung’s gaze.

Surveying the shirts on the bed, he thinks one of the may be Daehwi’s. The red one? Or is it the yellow one? Honestly, they share clothes so much, he can’t tell. And he doesn’t see why it matters—something more than annoyance flares up in Jinyoung’s chest. Daehwi’s seriously getting upset because Jinyoung mixed his laundry in with his own?

“Okay?” Jinyoung says back, and continues sorting. He still has an entire bag to get through. He doesn’t really have time to entertain why Daehwi may be upset Jinyoung grabbed one of his shirts.

“Okay, so, can you please put it back?”

Jinyoung blinks. He can’t help but gape, because, well, he feels like he just entered another dimension. “We share the same closet. Aren’t I doing you a favour? I’ll just put it back with your stuff once it’s been washed.”

“Why won’t you just listen to me?” Daehwi throws his phone down and sighs loudly, as if Jinyoung is _bothering_ him by trying to help him out.

“Because you’re being unreasonable?” Jinyoung scoffs back. He picks up the offending shirt. He doesn’t get it. It’s a _shirt_. “Why won’t you just let me help you? I’m not saying you can’t like, do your own laundry or whatever. Sorry if this hurts your ego.”

Daehwi scowls and leans over the edge of the bed, the entire structure creaking as he swipes the shirt out from Jinyoung’s fingers.

“I don’t understand why—if I ask you politely to not do something, you can’t just listen,” he mutters, holding his shirt to his chest and picking up his phone again. Of course. He can’t even hold one conversation without glancing at his phone again.

Jinyoung’s frown doesn’t fall as he goes back to sorting out his clothes, sans Daehwi’s shirt. “That wasn’t politely,” he grumbles, half-hoping Daehwi will hear.

He does, and promptly gives Jinyoung the cold shoulder for the rest of the night. Jinyoung is still confused as he brings his basket to the laundry room; what did he even _do_? He loads his clothing into the washer reviewing their short interaction, but that’s just it. It’s so short and so unreasonable he can’t even pick out the point where he made a mistake, if any. 

He accepts that Daehwi must be in a bad mood; they’re all overworked, exhausted, and on the edge of their wits with their packed schedules and lack of freedom right now. Falling asleep that night isn’t even that bad, because he tells himself that things will be better in the morning. Daehwi will get over it, so will he, and everything will go back to normal.

He’s wrong.

 

 

The resentment Jinyoung begins to feel after all their interactions continues to grow, and he finds himself avoiding Daehwi whenever he can. Which is both a lot and not a lot at all—ignoring him means he’s suddenly aware of how much time they spent together before. When he sits beside Jihoon and eats, his other side feels empty. When he squishes in between Seongwu and Daniel in the car, he misses how small and easily Daehwi’s body fit next to his. When he crawls into bed, he doesn’t say “Goodnight” to the bunk above his. Simply turns off his nightlight and shuts his eyes for an hour of rest which, quite frankly, doesn’t do much for his exhaustion nowadays.

And yet he still stands next to Daehwi in line every day. He sees him out of the corner of his eye in all their performances, because once upon a time, when they were choreographing them, they begged to stand beside each other. He tries to ignore him, but he spends a freakish amount of time staring at Daniel to compensate, and he’s pretty sure Daniel is starting to catch on.

Two weeks or so after what Jinyoung begins to dub as the _crumbs incident_ in his mind, Daehwi approaches him backstage. They only have a handful of minutes before they have to go on stage, and their lack of discussion during practice hasn’t made their preparation for this stage any easier.

“Hyung,” Daehwi says. Jinyoung pretends to be on his phone. He’s actually scrolling through the same album of pictures over and over, but Daehwi doesn’t need to know that. “Hyung,” Daehwi says, more urgently.

“What?” Jinyoung frowns without looking at him.

“Am I not allowed to call for you?”

“I just meant what do you want.” Jinyoung glances at him.

“Your microphone is falling off,” Daehwi grumbles. “I was trying to tell you politely. You don’t need to snap at me.”

Jinyoung reaches up and plays with the cord of his microphone. It is, in fact, loose, and he should’ve noticed before. Somehow, Daehwi noticing before he did makes him even more annoyed.

“I didn’t snap at you,” Jinyoung grumbles, adjusting his microphone.

“Sure,” Daehwi snorts, and leans against the wall beside him, albeit still a good few inches away.

This would be a good opportunity for Jinyoung to ask what the _hell_ is going on between them, but the annoyance he feels has only grown in the past minute. He’s well aware he’s being petty by not speaking up, but neither has Daehwi for the past two weeks. Why does he have to be the first one to talk?

So instead, he keeps pretending to be on his phone until they get called up. Daehwi side-eyes him every few moments, seemingly waiting for Jinyoung to talk to him. He doesn’t. 

When they get back later and Daehwi kicks him out of his own room to talk on the phone with his school friend, Jinyoung kind of regrets it. He still adheres to the idea that he’s done nothing wrong, however—at least not any more wrong than Daehwi’s done—and so he swallows the bitter taste in his mouth and goes to find something else to do until both their moods pass and they can go back to ignoring each other.

 

 

Zero base is nice, to say the least (chaotic, to say the most). Jinyoung kind of loves and kind of hates his personalized room at the same time. Loves it because everyone else loves it and it gives him a sense of pride to know that everyone is enjoying something he hand a hand in making; hates it because it’s impossible to sleep in after more than two hours. He’s going to develop back problems if he even tries.

Still, it’s fine for naps, and kind of fun to sink into the balls and pretend he’s floating or something. After fooling around with Woojin and Jihoon for an hour, he mumbles an “I’m tired, bye” and rushes off to his room before they can try and convince him to play another game. He genuinely is tired, both from exhaustion and listening to them yell at each other.

He takes the approximately five steps to his room before he stops short.

Of course this would happen to him. He doesn’t know why Daehwi is in his room, earbuds blasting his favourite music loudly and his fingers tapping away, as usual, on his phone—the other members seem to think the ball pit is their personal relaxation room, not the Jinyoung’s private place. Something stops his throat from working and speaking up to ask him to leave.

Before, he would’ve just grabbed Daehwi by the cuff of his neck and dragged him out. Or maybe he would’ve crawled in beside him and held onto his arm as he slept. But he’s learning now that what he would’ve done before isn’t what he’s able to do now. He’s sure Daehwi wouldn’t even let him.

The excuse his brain procures is that he doesn’t want to get evil-edited in his own TV show if they end up fighting, but he still feels weak as he makes his way over to Jihoon’s room. Like he lost some kind of silent fight with Daehwi.

Jinyoung fluffs up all of Jihoon’s stuffed animals and tugs his favourite one, the white bear, close, wrapping both his arms and legs around it. It’s not perfect, but it’s good enough considering how tired and now annoyed he is. He gets not even ten minutes of shut-eye before he feels someone kick the back of his foot. He doesn’t need to lift his head to know it’s Jihoon.

“Stop,” Jinyoung grunts, burying his face further into the white fur of the bear.

“This is my room,” Jihoon grumbles. He climbs on top of Jinyoung and elbows him. “Get out, I want to nap.”

Jinyoung lifts his head, blinking uncomfortably at the sudden light. “I thought you and Woojin hyung were playing ping-pong or whatever.”

“I got tired. You saying you were tired made me tired,” Jihoon huffs. He elbows Jinyoung again. “Come on, get out. We only have like four hours left.”

Jinyoung sits up, but he refuses to leave without a fight. “Why can’t I sleep here too? Here.” Jinyoung throws away one of the stuffed animals to the front of the room (Jihoon gasps at his audacity) and then pats the empty spot next to him. “There’s enough room.”

“Because it’s—it’s weird. Your legs are too long. You take up too much space still,” Jihoon sputters, clearly making up excuses as he goes. He shoves Jinyoung more harshly this time. “Just go to your own room.”

Jinyoung groans, feeling his resolve crumble. He really doesn’t have the energy for this. “I can’t. Daehwi is in my room.”

Jihoon tilts his head. “So?”

Squinting at him, Jinyoung can’t tell if Jihoon is truly oblivious or just acting dumb to get him to leave. Because as stupid as Jihoon can be sometimes, he’s also an unusually talented actor. 

“Whatever,” Jinyoung mumbles. “Why do you let Jisung hyung and Woojin hyung sleep with you and not me?”

“I—” Jihoon’s face heats up so much Jinyoung is afraid he’s going to pop a blood vessel. “I don’t—I have no idea what you’re talking about. Okay, bye.” He kicks Jinyoung away and then promptly hides himself under his blanket.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. Typical. Jihoon is kind of cute like this, all flustered, and normally Jinyoung would stay to tease him—but he really, really just wants to rest, so he concedes and leaves Jihoon to grumble to himself in peace over how he definitely doesn’t let anyone sleep in his bed.

The logical thing here would be to go to Daehwi’s room. Jinyoung knows Daehwi (probably, he thinks, he isn’t really sure anymore) enough to know that if he’s engrossed in a conversation with one of his friends, he’s going to be sitting in the ball pit for a while. But there’s a tiny part of him that’s so afraid of confrontation with him, if by off-chance Daehwi decides to return to his room spontaneously, he can’t bring himself to even consider it.

Minhyun doesn’t even react when Jinyoung enters his room, quietly shutting the curtain behind him. 

“Hyung,” Jinyoung says. “I need to sleep here.”

“’Kay,” Minhyun says. He throws out one arm for Jinyoung and Jinyoung collapses against him, letting Minhyun mold around him until they’re hugging like koalas.

He hates being babied like this, but—it feels so nice, to relax in someone’s arms. Minhyun doesn’t ask questions, probably far too exhausted himself. Just holds the back of Jinyoung’s head and lays the blanket over him.

It doesn’t take very long for Jinyoung to fall asleep, and for the first time in days, he doesn’t dream. It’s pure bliss.

Except waking comes all too soon. The PDs write basic scenarios for them, one of which is the discovery of the secret room, and apparently they all need to be there for this one. Minhyun shakes him awake, voice apologetic as he explains why he has to get up. 

It feels like he slept for years. According to his phone, it was less than an hour and a half.

Minhyun quickly fixes his hair for him before they exit the dim room. Jinyoung sits with his knees tucked to his chest, still half-asleep.

“Was it Daehwi?” Minhyun asks. Jinyoung pouts. He hates how well Minhyun can read him; he doesn’t know whether it’s just a talent Minhyun has, or if it’s specific to Jinyoung himself.

“He was in my room,” Jinyoung mumbles. “I didn’t want to argue with him. There’s cameras everywhere.” There’s a camera and microphone picking up this conversation right now, probably. But he can’t imagine they’d air this without any other context, and it’s not like they can tap into Jinyoung’s thoughts. Thank God.

Minhyun sighs and pats his cheek. “You could’ve just asked him to leave.”

“I can’t,” Jinyoung replies immediately. He doesn’t have the energy to offer any other explanation. He _can’t_.

Minhyun looks like he wants to say something more, but Sungwoon yells at them from the other side of the base to hurry up, and he thankfully doesn’t have time to interrogate Jinyoung any further.

Jinyoung still feels the disappointment and concern radiate off of Minhyun, and so Jinyoung ends up staying in the back for the rest of the day, tucked underneath one of Jisung’s welcoming arms and avoiding everyone else’s gazes.

 

 

“Hey, give me that.” Jihoon tries to reach around Jinyoung’s back to grab at the marker that’s sitting next to him. He has short arms, though, and ends up hitting Jinyoung in the back. “Pass that to me.”

Jinyoung resists rolling his eyes and passes Jihoon the marker wordlessly. He really does not have the patience right now for Jihoon to order him around like this. They’re making stickers for their fans and Daehwi has already walked by twice and scoffed _twice_ as he did—AKA both times. Jinyoung presses his marker a little too deep into the sticker and it bleeds through. This is like the fifth one he’s had to discard.

“You’re wasting so much paper,” Jihoon huffs. “Use one with a thinner tip.”

The tip of the marker Jinyoung is using gets flattened underneath the force of his anger. “Can you stop? I know I am, okay?” he snaps. Jihoon’s eyes widen and he just stares as Jinyoung throws the sticker he ruined into the trash. Sixth one. “Just work on your stupid stickers and leave me alone.”

Jinyoung feels guilty immediately for saying it, because it’s for their fans; but not necessarily for yelling at Jihoon. He _was_ being annoying. Jihoon sniffles, affronted, and seems to be thinking the same thing as he turns back to his own paper.

“Okay. I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately, but—” Jihoon takes a deep breath, clearly trying to reign in his temper. “You don’t need to be such an ass, Jinyoungie.” He grabs his unfinished stickers and his two favourite markers. “Come talk to me when you decide to be nice again. I’ll be with Woojin.”

Jinyoung knows he shouldn’t, but something about Jihoon words make his blood boil. Maybe it’s how he seems to think this is Jinyoung’s fault when it’s clearly Daehwi’s, or the fact that Jihoon just called him an _ass_ when there’s a bunch of staff around that could hear them. 

The words tumble out from his mouth before he can stop himself. “Yeah. He’s your new best friend, right? You haven’t wanted to hang out with me since you found out you would be more popular with him.”

It’s a mistake, so obvious that he would laugh if someone else told him he would say something like it. Jinyoung can be a bit rude, but not like this—not to the point where he’s legitimately insulting his friends. And while perhaps there is a part of him that misses Jihoon’s company lately, there’s nothing inside him that really wants to hurt Jihoon.

He doesn’t know why he said it. But he did. And now he can’t take it back, and he’s just fucking everything else in his life up like he already has with all his other friendships.

Jihoon’s mouth hangs wide open in shock before it snaps shut. “Fuck you,” he says quietly, and walks off, fists balled at his sides, so tight his knuckles are red.

Jinyoung sits by himself, the table a mess of discarded stickers and markers that rolled across the table when Jihoon stood up. Everyone else is still working in various corners of the room, but Jinyoung can’t find the energy to lift his arm and continue writing.

Why did he say that? Why is he being like this? He doesn’t even know himself. He wants it to all _stop_ already.

A manager comes over and prods him a few moments later, and Jinyoung returns to drawing on the stickers absently. His heart isn’t in it though, and he feels even guiltier when he surveys the finished product. It doesn’t seem genuine, despite how he has nothing but love for his fans. Everything else is just blocking his mind, distracting him in places he doesn’t need it and leaving his other thoughts running wild.

“Here you go.” He bows politely and hands his stack off to a staff member. They take it wordlessly from him and Jinyoung is left sitting alone for real this time, with nothing to do and no one who apparently wants to be with him. Go figure.

He shouldn’t have, but he almost jumps from surprise when Minhyun slides into Jihoon’s former seat.

“You finished already?” Minhyun asks.

Jinyoung plays with one of the markers to occupy his hands. “Yeah,” he says quietly. The room is noisy, but Minhyun still hears him. He leans forward so he can pull Jinyoung’s head onto his shoulder, and he nearly cries at how comforting the sudden physical contact feels.

“You were quick,” Minhyun notes. “Still got stuff on your mind?”

“I can’t help it,” Jinyoung says, a little too defensively. Minhyun isn’t interrogating him or anything. He shuts his eyes and tries to calm himself down. This is _Minhyun_ —not Daehwi shunning him or Jihoon ditching him. Minhyun is an adult. He understands. “Sorry,” he adds.

Minhyun shakes his head, his hair brushing against Jinyoung’s ear. “I don’t think I should be the one you apologize to. Jihoonie looked rather miffed when he came to sit near me.” He turns his head so he can talk directly into Jinyoung’s ear, barely audible. “Let’s talk when we get back, okay? I’ll make sure no one else is in the room.”

Jinyoung blushes all over his face, trying to get away from Minhyun. “I don’t want to talk. There’s nothing to talk about.”

Minhyun lets him back off, but he keeps one hand on his thigh to hold him in his seat. The most exasperated look crosses over his face and Jinyoung knows he’s not having it.

“Let’s just talk, okay? I won’t make you do anything except talk.” He pats Jinyoung’s cheek, making one of his eyes close and a pout form on his lips. “I think you could use a good listener.”

“You are not a good listener, hyung,” Jinyoung mumbles, already internally resigning himself to accepting Minhyun’s offer. Because as much as he hates it, he knows it’ll help, even if it’s just lying on Minhyun’s tiny bed and being tucked against his chest. And he’s desperate, at this point.

“Of course I am.” Minhyun puffs out his chest. “When we get back, alright? Don’t try and stall.”

Jinyoung nods and Minhyun ruffles his hair in reply, immediately beaming at Jinyoung’s affirmation.

“Now, come on. You can’t sit here alone. Come and play mafia with us, they paused before the next round while I came to get you.” Minhyun tugs on his hand, trying to pull him off the couch.

“Here?”

“Why not? I think we could all use a bit of fun, no matter where it is.” Jinyoung gets dragged up whether he likes it or not, albeit honestly, he doesn’t put up much resistance to Minhyun’s tugging. 

The others rearranged their chairs to form a circle—Woojin and Jihoon are nowhere in sight, as usual, and Jisung and Guanlin are talking with one of their managers. But Daehwi is there, and all Jinyoung can think as he ducks his head and squeezes his eyes shut is _Please don’t let Daehwi be mafia again. Please don’t let Daehwi kill me first again_.

“A citizen has been found dead,” Jaehwan says solemnly. “Villager Bae Jinyoung, you’re out.”

Minhyun mouths _Sorry_ across from him, but it doesn’t do anything to mend Jinyoung’s heart.

 

 

“Jinyoungie,” Minhyun says when they get back. Jinyoung tries to duck out of the room before Minhyun can grab him by the sleeve—he doesn’t know what he’ll even say to Minhyun, he needs more time to think—but Minhyun is as fast as a fox and ends up blocking his way. “Jinyoungie.” Minhyun crosses his arms.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung mutters, not meeting his eyes. Minhyun pats him on the shoulder. “I’m tired.”

“You’re tired because you’re bottling things up,” Minhyun says as he whisks him off to Minhyun’s room. “So we’re going to fix that. Sit.” He shuts the door behind them and pushes Jinyoung onto his bed. Jinyoung is suddenly very grateful that Daehwi doesn’t have the bottom bunk, because he would hate to have to sit on Daehwi’s bed and talk about him at the same time—and Sungwoon wouldn’t appreciate them touching his space.

Jinyoung grabs the nearest thing to him, a cute stuffed animal from his fans, and hugs it to his chest.

“So,” Minhyun says, then pauses. Jinyoung squishes the bottom half of his face against the stuffed animal and waits for him to continue. His pulse races as Minhyun thinks over his words. At least he’s not a brash person by nature. Jinyoung’s not sure he would be able to handle a flurry of questions right now. “I guess I should start with, are you okay?”

Jinyoung blinks. “Shouldn’t you start by asking me what happened?”

Minhyun sits down beside him, hands placed neatly on his lap. “Of course, that was going to be my next question.” He smiles warmly. “But I’ve been so worried for you, and I know you hate it when I say that... I swear I’m not trying to baby you. But it’s easy to tell when you’re in a bad mood, Jinyoung. And it’s been all the time, lately.”

“It’s not... on purpose,” Jinyoung replies.

“Bad moods are rarely ever on purpose,” Minhyun says.

Answering Minhyun’s question is more difficult than he expected. It’s been so long since someone actually asked him that (the last person had been Jisung, and more regarding his physical state than about his never-ending annoyance lately.) Is he okay?

He’s not horrible, all things considered. But he’s not really happy unless he’s performing or texting his friends, and those times are actually quite little in comparison to all the driving around, practicing, and meetings.

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung says truthfully.

Minhyun bites his lip, but nods, and thankfully doesn’t coo or call him cute or anything like that. It’s quite out-of-character for what Jinyoung’s come to expect from Minhyun, and he’s forced to duck his head away from Minhyun’s. Minhyun’s cautious distance from Jinyoung’s feelings makes everything feel more real. Like he’s finally being pulled out of his own little bubble of self-deprecation. He doesn’t like it.

“That’s alright,” Minhyun says. “You already know what I’m going to say next, but...”

“I just feel like—” Jinyoung cuts Minhyun off. He doesn’t appear to mind. “Nothing is going right lately. Like the whole world is working against me. And... and I don’t want to sound... ungrateful, but... I just. That’s just how I feel.” His throat hurts after speaking only a few words, and his stutter comes out an embarrassing amount. He shoves his face further into the stuffed animal to hide himself.

“Because of Daehwi?” Minhyun asks quietly.

“Because of... everything, now. But that started it. I guess. I don’t even know what happened, hyung. He started getting annoyed at everything I did and now everything he does annoys me too and I...”

“And that’s how you feel lately as well? When you see him?” Minhyun presses, very carefully.

“I... Not all the time. Just... most of the time.”

Minhyun hums and rubs his hand over Jinyoung’s thigh to keep it still. He didn’t even realize his leg was shaking so bad.

The silence while Minhyun thinks is absolutely suffocating; Jinyoung can hear the others playing around in the living room. They all sound so happy, including Daehwi, and Jinyoung feels both resentment and nausea at being left out. He could never go in there right now, even if Minhyun allowed him to. His legs would give out if he tried.

“And right now?” Minhyun says finally.

Jinyoung doesn’t have to think before answering. “I miss him,” he whispers, and he surprises even himself with how much his voice quivers. He swallows hard, the lump in his throat not going away; like he has a cold, his nose feels congested, but he’s suddenly aware of the tears pricking his eyes and knows that he’s not just falling sick. “I miss him so much.”

Minhyun sighs and wraps both his arms around Jinyoung’s shoulders. Normally, Jinyoung would at least try to squirm away. Perhaps not really give a legitimate fight, because even Jinyoung can admit Minhyun gives abnormally warm hugs and he kind of secretly likes them, but enough to make Minhyun pout and squeeze him tighter after.

This time, though, all he can really do is melt into it. He tucks his face against the curve of Minhyun’s shoulder and sniffles.

He’s not going to cry. He’s not. It’s stupid. It’s not like he hasn’t fought with his friends before, and over way worse and more serious stuff than this.

“I know,” Minhyun says quietly, brushing his fingers through Jinyoung’s hair. He does that a lot, and he seems to know now the exact way Jinyoung likes it. Just along his scalp, brushing the strands at the top around, like he’s ruffling his hair. “I’m sure he misses you too.”

“No,” Jinyoung answers immediately. He has no idea if Daehwi misses him or even cares that they haven’t spoken in two weeks. He can’t read him anymore, and he doesn’t want to try; he doesn’t want to know if Daehwi resents him as much as Jinyoung thinks he may. The confirmation would make it worse. “I don’t know. I don’t want to know.”

“But you still care about him?” Minhyun asks.

“Of... of course I do,” Jinyoung stutters. He doesn’t even have to think about it, even as shame turns his cheeks pink. “We’re still... groupmates. Coworkers. I don’t know. I don’t want him to get sick or anything like that.”

But it’s not just that. He thinks back to the filming for the final episode of Produce 101, when they were calling the names for their group. How Jinyoung sat for two hours, hands clasped on his lap, waiting for the first syllable of Brand New Music to be called, then Lee Daehwi.

He couldn’t imagine being in Wanna One without him. Even now, because Daehwi has been such an integral part of his life for the past year. Like their lives have been intertwined up to this point; and he realizes how codependent this is. Maybe they were destined to go through this falling out because of that. Maybe Jinyoung was putting too much pressure on him, just by being his friend and going to him for advice.

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung mumbles again, because he really doesn’t, and looks down at Minhyun’s hands. He wonders if Minhyun ever had fights like this with his other members. Surely not with any of theirs.

“Well,” Minhyun starts. He catches Jinyoung staring at his hands and reaches out to clasp his own. Jinyoung has larger hands, but Minhyun covers his intentionally, like a blanket. “I know he cares for you as well. And I know it may feel like this is the end of everything, both your friendship and the world. But it’s not. You two are young. You have all the time in the world to recover from this.”

“But we don’t—” Jinyoung cuts him off, then takes in a deep breath. Disbandment isn’t something they talk about often. Comments about their futures, sure, but about their group’s—it’s kind of a forbidden topic, considering some members are guaranteed more success than others. “You don’t know that.”

“You know, I didn’t actually need you to tell me that you still cared,” Minhyun laughs. Not the happy kind of laugh. More soft, like he’s talking to a kid. Jinyoung ducks his head again, getting more flustered with every moment that passes. “Neither of you are good at expressing yourselves in words, at least to us. I could just tell without. And I can tell with Daehwi.”

“Don’t lie to me, hyung.”

Minhyun squishes his cheeks in the way that he hates, and Jinyoung tries to squirm away for real this time. Minhyun isn’t having it, however, and he smiles genuinely. “I’m not. Silly, I really wouldn’t lie to you about something like that.”

Jinyoung has to physically force himself to look up, but when he does, the truth of Minhyun’s words sink in.

“... Yeah. Okay. You wouldn’t lie to me ever,” Jinyoung mumbles. “Don’t try and act tough.”

“No, no, you’re right. You have a face that can’t be lied to,” Minhyun says, lips quirking upwards into something like a smile but not really. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “Take the chance, Jinyoungie. Go and talk to him. Even just once, like a normal person. It doesn’t have to be a big thing all at once.”

Jinyoung wipes at his face. “What if he doesn’t want to?”

“Just because you two are fighting in some way doesn’t mean that he’s suddenly a different person. You know how he is. I’m sure he would jump at the chance.”

“Hyung, look at this video I found of—Jinyoungie? Wait, no. It’s not a video of Jinyoungie, I mean—sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Daniel says all in one breath. Jinyoung whips his head around just in time to see Daniel almost walk into the door trying to turn around.

“You aren’t interrupting,” Minhyun says. His fingers are still stroking the top of Jinyoung’s head, but other than that, they don’t appear too suspicious. He thinks. “Jinyoungie was just leaving, right?”

“Um.” Jinyoung looks between them, wondering if Minhyun is trying to get him to leave, but... it’s Minhyun. And him. That doesn’t seem very plausible. But if Minhyun thinks he’s going straight from here to apologizing to Jihoon or Daehwi, he’s going to be very disappointed. “Yeah, I guess.”

Never one to stay quiet, Daniel frowns immediately when Jinyoung begins to untangle himself from the sheets.

“Your eyes are red,” he says accusingly. He lowers his phone and walks over, even as Jinyoung starts to back away, because he knows the look in Daniel’s eyes and he doesn’t like it. “What happened?”

“Everything’s fine now.” Minhyun pats Jinyoung’s back. “He just had a good cry.”

“Hyung!” Jinyoung gasps, scandalized at Minhyun’s honesty. He doesn’t care how close they are, or how close Minhyun and Daniel are, or even how close Daniel and Jinyoung have been lately. He doesn’t want the entire dorm knowing he cried his eyes out on Minhyun’s bed, especially not over Daehwi.

“Jinyoung,” Minhyun intones back, scowling for only a second before he goes back to his usual gentle smile. “It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with crying.”

Daniel sits down on the bed next to him. The entire thing creaks with his weight, and Jinyoung tries even harder to stand up before it comes—he doesn’t make it, and Daniel’s large arms circle around his middle.

“Sorry for interrupting,” he says again. “I hope you’re okay. I won’t pry.”

Jinyoung pleads for help through his eyes at Minhyun, but like in most things, Minhyun betrays him by flinging his arms around them and yelling “Group hug!”

He can’t deal with the weight of two tall guys on him and ends up just flopping back onto the bed, smothered by their nuzzling and affection. It’s a little weird, but... it’s kind of nice, in a way, and Jinyoung lets them hug him for a full thirty seconds before he pushes them off for the sake of his own ego.

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung says. And for the first time in forever, he actually somewhat feels like it. Not perfect, just okay, but the idea of not being sad or even upset is relieving enough. “Okay? Thanks, hyung. Bye, hyung.”

Daniel snuggles up next to Minhyun, likely going back to whatever he wanted to show Minhyun, as Minhyun blows Jinyoung a kiss.

“Bye!”

Jinyoung’s nose crinkles, but he blows a kiss back and then runs off to lock himself in his room. He still smiles when he hears Minhyun’s call of “I love you too!”

 

 

“Here,” Jinyoung says, and the one word feels like ripping off a band-aid.

Daehwi looks down at the offered chocolate, then back at Jinyoung, then back at the chocolate, before nudging Jinyoung’s hand away.

“No thanks,” he says. Jinyoung stares at the chocolate like it’s a metaphor for their friendship and frowns.

He wants to throw it across the room now. Who even likes chocolate? Not Daehwi and now not him, apparently; it’s his favourite type, but he suddenly can’t bear to look at it. He puts it back in the box and slams the cover on it to shove back into his bag. 

The car is quiet without the noise of Jinyoung fumbling around with his food. Jihoon and Woojin are both sleeping in the front, and Daniel is bobbing his head along to his music beside their manager. He thinks perhaps there was some sort of plan to get him and Daehwi to sit beside each other here, but also—he realizes just how paranoid that sounds, and how deep he’s fallen into this, and feels stupid again.

Their next schedule is a performance, so he tries to focus on the choreography instead. Moving his hands to the inaudible beat in his head, but he’s not really focusing. He already knows the choreography like the back of his hand. It’s a futile distraction. He wishes he had his phone with him for a real chance at getting his mind off this, whatever it is.

A few minutes later, Daehwi’s hand twitches. Jinyoung feels it against his thigh, despite how they’re both trying to press themselves on the opposite ends of the car. And then, again, after a moment.

“What?” Jinyoung snaps.

“I didn’t say anything,” Daehwi snaps back, but it’s not nearly as sharp.

“You clearly wanted to,” Jinyoung says.

“I...” Daehwi licks his lips and crosses his arms. His typical ’I don’t want to talk to you’ pose as of late, but he drops it after only a moment. “... Sorry. I’m a little hungry right now.”

“Oh,” Jinyoung says, and doesn’t know what else to continue with.

Daehwi pauses, evidently waiting for Jinyoung to offer him the chocolate again. “... Can I have some of that chocolate?”

“All you had to do was ask,” Jinyoung says quietly. He opens up the box again and passes Daehwi one of the chocolates. Their fingers brush for a second—not even that, probably—but Jinyoung’s mind focuses in on that one sensation more than anything else in his life. He jerks his hand back and wipes it along his lap, flustered over absolutely nothing. Daehwi doesn’t appear to notice his internal battle.

“I did,” Daehwi replies.

Jinyoung hastily shoves one of the chocolates into his own mouth to give himself some time to calm down before he has to answer. “... Yeah. You did, I guess.”

Daehwi doesn’t say anything after that, which is perfectly fine with Jinyoung. He mulls over the short conversation, the first one they’ve had without fighting in months, and over the single touch they shared. How desperate is he that a single brush of fingers leaves him reeling for hours on end?

By the end of the day, he doesn’t have the energy to say anything to Daehwi before they go to bed. Daehwi might think he’s giving him the cold shoulder (and it wouldn’t be unusual) but he really simply doesn’t know what to say anymore.

He misses him. Daehwi didn’t even do anything today worthy of Jinyoung saying such, but one interaction reminded him of it, and it’s as if the floodgates opened. He misses him so, so much, he didn’t convey even half of it to Minhyun the other day.

Sungwoon is the one to wake him up the next morning, but Daehwi is the one he shares a bathroom with while getting ready. And while they don’t talk to each other, Jinyoung manages to bite down the loud remark he wants to give when Daehwi spills his toothpaste all over Jinyoung’s side of the sink.

It’s progress. Jinyoung’s doing his best.

 

 

“Hey, hyung.” Jinyoung peeks into the large room. Both Jaehwan and Jihoon look over at him; Jaehwan has his headphones in and his laptop perched on his lap, while Jihoon is studying. Or something. Jinyoung highly doubts he’s actually studying. “Jihoon hyung,” he corrects. “Can I talk to you in private?”

“Huh? Oh, uh. Sure? I guess.” Jihoon shuts his books and then slips his pencils back into their case. “Jaehwan hyung, watch my stuff.”

“Who would want to steal your stuff?”

“Just watch it!” Jihoon whines. He hops off the top bunk and lands on the ground with an ’oof’, rolling up the ankles of his pants. He and Woojin have been wearing those matching pyjamas a lot lately, and Jinyoung can’t tell if they’re being passive aggressive about something or if they just really, really like those pyjamas.

Daehwi and Sungwoon are both in Jinyoung’s room, so they go up the stairs to the quieter area. “Okay, keep your voice down,” Jinyoung says preemptively, because Jihoon can get loud.

“I would’ve anyways. I feel like you’re dragging me into something that’s going to be a nuisance,” Jihoon yawns. Jinyoung puffs out his cheeks and sits against the wall. Jihoon leans onto the railing post across from him, legs spread wide. “So, what’s up?”

Jinyoung wrings his fingers together. He has to; he can’t get these words out without doing some ridiculous anxious habit. “I’m sorry.”

“... For what?”

“I’m sorry for... being rude to you. Like, all the time lately. It’s not your fault, so... I’m sorry,” Jinyoung says. Once it gets out of his mouth, he feels a tremendous amount of guilt lifted from his shoulders. The wide grin on Jihoon’s face helps as well.

“I forgave you months ago,” Jihoon says. “But thanks. I knew it wasn’t my fault, so.”

“I’ve only been feeling bad for the past like month, though.”

“You’ve always been rude to your hyungs,” Jihoon huffs and reaches over to punch him in the shoulder. “It’s part of your charm. But you have been going a bit overboard lately, so I’ll take this apology as well.”

“Uh... thanks?” Jinyoung says tentatively.

“You’re welcome,” Jihoon answers without missing a beat. “As your hyung, I feel _obligated_ to say that...”

“Oh no,” Jinyoung mutters, about to get up. Minhyun’s advice he can handle, but Jihoon’s? Jihoon whose emotional turmoil amounts to all of the members’ combined on a good day? “I didn’t ask you for advice, hyung.”

“Shhhh,” Jihoon shushes him. “Listen.”

Slumping his back along the wall, he nods. It’s what he owes Jihoon, no matter how stupid what he’s about to say may be.

“You were just upset over Daehwi, right?” Jihoon asks. Jinyoung shoots up like a kite.

“How did you know?”

Jihoon chuckles behind his hand, clearly amused at Jinyoung’s surprised expression. “It’s not hard at all to tell what’s been going on with you guys. The fans have noticed, you think we haven’t?” Jinyoung groans. “There’s been a lot of little things. And Woojinnie told me.”

“Woojin hyung... told you?”

Jihoon hesitates, but recalls, “A while back, I don’t know, like, a few weeks ago maybe? Daehwi went to Woojin about... you. And then Woojin came to me and asked if I knew anything. All I knew at that point was that you weren’t very happy with anything, but after Woojin told me what Daehwi said, it made sense.”

Jinyoung chews incessantly on his bottom lip. “... What did he say Daehwi said?”

“What do you think he said?” Jihoon questions.

“How... hyung, I don’t even know where I’d start.” He rubs his palms against his face. “A few weeks ago? Um... maybe that I was annoying him, or snapping at him too much.”

“You’re right but also wrong,” Jihoon says, as helpful as usual (as in not very much).

“What?”

“He said both of those things and then that he was worried about you. He didn’t want you to hate him but he didn’t know how to bring it up to you.” It sounds achingly familiar to Jinyoung’s own pressing thoughts.

“I...” Jinyoung stares at his hands. “Yeah. Yeah, I know the feeling.”

“How long has it been since you guys talked, anyway?”

“Like... two days ago? We sat together in the car the other day, remember? And we had a conversation then. Uh, like... like three things, but...”

“Good. Keep doing that.”

“I still didn’t ask you for advice, hyung.”

“No, but I give great advice, don’t I? Better than Jisung hyung and Minhyun hyung?” Jihoon purses his lips and winks. Jinyoung laughs, clutching his stomach, because Jihoon looks so _silly_ (and cute) when he does that sometimes. For someone who says he hates doing aegyo, Jihoon sure has no qualms about attacking Jinyoung with it. “And I made you laugh.” Jihoon’s radiant smile grows.

“Not you, just your face.” Jinyoung attempts to force the smile off his face, but it stays on.

“Huh.” Jihoon pats his own (blushing) cheek. “So you do like my face? I knew it all along. But—as much as I appreciate the compliments, you can’t change the subject.”

“I wasn’t trying to,” Jinyoung says.

“Sure,” Jihoon snorts, despite how Jinyoung was, for once, being completely genuine. “You should just talk to him. Like... I dunno, about anything. Like friends. And then it’ll come back naturally.”

“That’s what Minhyunnie hyung said too.”

“See? My advice is _just_ as good as his, at least!” Jihoon pumps his fist into the air. “And we’re both right.”

“It’s not as easy as you think it is...” Jinyoung recalls how awkward the conversation in the car had been. Not uncomfortable, necessarily, however, Jinyoung doesn’t really want to go through something like that again.

“Of course it is. Open your mouth and speak like you’re doing now, except to Daehwi.”

“You clearly do _not_ get it, hyung.”

“You think I haven’t fought with a friend before?” Jihoon makes a ’pfft’ noise with his lips. “It’s a part of growing up, Jinyoung.”

“You’re still growing up.” He can’t stop himself from adding, “Maybe not growing in height anymore...”

Jihoon wheezes. “You really didn’t have to say that.”

“... You’re right. Sorry.”

“I still love you.”

“Okay.”

“You have to say it back.”

“Do I have to?” Jinyoung groans. “You’re sounding like Minhyun hyung now, for real.”

“We’re having a heart-to-heart, it’s just one time!” Jihoon throws himself at Jinyoung, hugging him like some kind of large koala. Normally their positions are reversed—Jihoon is not the type for physical affection. Jinyoung must really be _that_ pitiful, if Jihoon is willingly hugging him. “Come on.”

“Fine, fine.” Jinyoung’s arms enclose around Jihoon’s waist and he lies his cheek on Jihoon’s shoulder. “I love you too, hyung,” he says, very, very quietly.

This is the second time he’s had a discussion like this with one of his hyungs. This whole situation is making him weak.

And yet he doesn’t really mind it as much as he thought he would.

 

 

Jinyoung doesn’t get a chance to talk to Daehwi the next few days; even if he wanted to, they’re bussed around so many times and put into so many meetings for their comeback that all their free moments are spent eating (rarely) or sleeping (much more often).

His first true moment of peace and quiet is when they return to the dorms for a full night’s rest nearly four days after he speaks to Jihoon. Sungwoon immediately goes to play video games in the living room, and Daehwi slips to the bathroom wordlessly to freshen up.

It only takes one look at the horrific state of his bed to make him realize what he has to do.

Before all this, every morning before they left, Daehwi would make his bed. He would make Jinyoung’s too, because he claimed it bothered him. He would even go to the point of tucking the corners in, which Jinyoung can’t remember ever doing in his _life._

Now his bed looks like shit, and it’s his fault. Maybe it’s a bit of Daehwi’s fault too, but Jinyoung hasn’t been helping.

He can’t make up for anything he’s done in the past few weeks; if he could, he would go back in time and give Daehwi’s silly shirt back without a single thought.

But he knows what he has to do now. And no matter how prideful he is, his friendship with Daehwi is more important.

 

 

Jinyoung is lying in bed, knees pressed to his chest and phone perched right in front of his nose, when he finally finds the courage to speak up. They used to do this all the time; just talk from their respective beds, whenever Sungwoon wasn’t around to tell them to be quiet. But it feels like it’s been ages since that was normal, especially since each day feels like ten now.

“Daehwi?” Jinyoung calls, hoarser than he means it to be. He gulps and projects his voice better, “Daehwi?”

Above him, Daehwi is inevitably tapping away on his phone. He takes a moment to reply, “Mhm?”

“... Can we talk?”

Jinyoung clutches his sheets. Daehwi doesn’t answer verbally; the bed above Jinyoung’s creaks and then Daehwi climbs down the ladder.

“Yeah?” 

“I mean.” Jinyoung sits up against the wall. “Can we talk about what’s... going on. Between us.”

“Oh,” Daehwi whispers. He sits down on the very edge of Jinyoung’s bed, barely a few centimetres onto the mattress. His leg twitches. “Okay.”

Jinyoung didn’t plan out what to say; he’s not really much of a planner in the first place, but even then, mulling over what he could say wasn’t helping him when he tried. He speaks whatever comes to mind and evades Daehwi’s eyes.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Jinyoung whispers. “It’s gotten to the point where it seems like... everything I do annoys you and everything you do annoys me and I don’t know why.”

Daehwi sighs, running his hand over Jinyoung’s sheets. “I wasn’t doing anything on purpose.”

“I _know._ But that’s what it feels like and... it’s hard not to get upset.”

“There’s things you’ve done that upset me too,” Daehwi says, drawing his arm back to cross them.

“I didn’t mean to,” Jinyoung says, shoulders falling. “Maybe I started to not do things on purpose, but I didn’t do anything to piss you off on purpose. Just... avoided doing things altogether. Like talking.”

“I thought you—I thought you were starting to hate me. For real. Like... you never talked to me, and...”

“I thought _you_ hated _me._ ”

“Hyung,” Daehwi whines. “Even if I’m annoyed at you, I can’t hate you. I’m not that cruel.” He sniffles.

Jinyoung laughs dryly, his heart racing unevenly in his chest. Didn’t he say almost those exact words to his hyungs? “I couldn’t hate you either.”

“Then why are we—” Daehwi stops himself from speaking.

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung says.

“That day, with the shirt.” Jinyoung is relieved Daehwi remembers that day as much as he does. “I was just in such a bad mood already, I was annoyed with you for the rest of the week, and it just spiralled out of control. I’m...” Daehwi looks at him, right in the eyes, close to tears. And for the first time in ages, Jinyoung feels like he can read Daehwi, honesty and guilt written all over his face. “I’m sorry, Jinyoungie. Hyung, I’m sorry.”

Jinyoung tilts his head, lips parting, and for a second he doesn’t really know what to do or say. But this is his Daehwi, the one that supported him for months, essentially a year now. That changed his life, really, for the better.

And he was being unreasonable and ridiculous and a bit stupid this entire time, but—he’s still Daehwi, still his friend, and Jinyoung nearly breaks the bed moving quickly to hug him.

“Okay,” Jinyoung sniffles. “I forgive you. I’m sorry too. I... I’ve been so rude, and... ignoring you, and that’s my fault. It’s not yours.”

Daehwi hugs him back, squeezing him hard enough to make him choke, and they cry there like fools for at least five minutes. It feels like forever, both the crying and the hug; but in a good way. No one and nothing can replace Daehwi and his hugs for him, not even Minhyun.

Daehwi giggles when they part, his face contorted and splotched red. It’s kind of ugly, but also cute at the same time, and Jinyoung laughs at him. Thankfully, Sungwoon keeps random assorted items in their room—including a stack of tissue boxes, so Jinyoung plucks one off the floor and passes Daehwi a handful.

“Thank you,” Daehwi whispers, voice hoarse from crying. 

Jinyoung dabs his own tears with the tissues. They clean their tears in silence. It’s not necessarily bad, just weird. It’s so different from the high tension they’ve had between them for the past month. Jinyoung wants to hug him again, but he doesn’t know if he can, so he simply plays with the tissue in between his fingers.

 

 

After months of working their asses off and being promised a bigger place to live, they’re finally moving. Jinyoung is excited, until they start picking roommates. And then he’s not.

“I want to be with Jinyoung hyung,” Daehwi says out of nowhere, and Jinyoung blurts out “What?” at almost the exact same time out of surprise at hearing his name.

Everyone turns to stare at them, pausing their conversations. Even Minhyun. Jinyoung hides his mouth with his hands, embarrassed, and inches away from Daehwi. But Daehwi grabs his hand and keeps him still, not having any of it.

Being roommates, though? Is Daehwi ready for that? Is _Jinyoung_ ready for that.

“I want to be with Jinyoung hyung,” Daehwi repeats. “No one is allowed to protest.”

“I kind of wanted to—” Daniel starts.

“No protests.”

Jinyoung is simultaneously flattered over Daniel’s sudden admission that he wanted to room with him, and terrified over the scenario of spending another how-many-months with Daehwi. Alone. Without Sungwoon to tell them to be quiet whenever they fight.

And despite not _fighting_ anymore, it’s always been in their blood to argue to some degree. Jinyoung doesn’t really care about the little strikes they take at each other, but what if this whole situation happens again? If one thing goes out of control and it starts all over again?

He can admit he’s wrong again, if he has to. It’s the mental aspect he’s not sure he can handle.

Daehwi grabs his hand and presses their palms together. Once the others resume their conversations, he leans closer and whispers into Jinyoung’s ear, “It’ll be fine.”

“Will it?” Jinyoung questions.

“You don’t want to room with me?”

“No, I... I do. I do. But is it really...” Jinyoung struggles with how to phrase his feelings properly. “Is it really okay? I don’t mean is it okay, but is it _okay_? For us?”

“I think so.” Daehwi squeezes his hand. “We roomed together for months before anything happened.”

“But it did, eventually.”

“And now it won’t ever again,” Daehwi says firmly, nodding to him. “Trust me. Okay? One time. I’ll make everything up for you.”

Jinyoung pinches his eyes shut. _Trust him._ Jinyoung’s initial thought is that he never stopped trusting Daehwi in the first place, but on second thought, that isn’t right. If he trusted him, he would’ve trusted him to not judge Jinyoung for professing his anxieties months ago. But he didn’t, so he kept putting it off.

In the end, Daehwi may have judged him for like a day. But he gets over things surprisingly quickly, and it surely wouldn’t have lasted more than a week. Jinyoung let his stupid anxieties get the better of him. He’s not going to do it again.

“Please,” Daehwi whispers.

“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung says instantly. “I trust you.”

“Good!”

The staff bring their stuff from the other dorm as they fill out the other rooming assignments. Their new room is bigger than the last, especially without a third person, and for once they get their own little separate sides of the rooms.

“So much room,” Daehwi sighs and throws himself onto his freshly-made bed. He smiles at Jinyoung.

It doesn’t feel like home yet, but it could be, one day, and Jinyoung smiles back.

 

 

Jinyoung isn’t as disconnected from social media as most of their fans assume. He’s busy, sure—but like most teenagers, he finds time even when he’s not supposed to to check what people are saying about him online. And he has friends as well, ones that aren’t in Wanna One, who keep him updated in the most imperative situations pertaining to him and the most fascinating nicknames people make up.

It’s difficult sometimes to see what people write. Not only hate, but backhanded compliments or things that don’t sit well with him. He doesn’t have an explanation for it sometimes. It just unsettles him, to read about himself. But he does it anyways, religiously every night now, his nose pressed to his phone screen as he scrolls down his feed.

Lately, a large topic has been his relationship with the other members. Minhyun, of course, is a staple, even though Jinyoung has asked him to tone his touchiness down; Daniel and Jihoon are common; and Daehwi.

“Hey.” Daehwi prods his arm. “Can I sit here?”

“Huh?” Jinyoung answers smartly, then glances down. Daehwi has one hand on the bed, ready to lie beside him, but Jinyoung’s books and loose charger are blocking his way. “Um, sure.” He moves them to his other side and Daehwi squeezes into their former place, the length of his body resting along Jinyoung’s.

Jinyoung tries to go back to reading, but he can’t read about Daehwi and him when Daehwi is sitting right there. He tabs back to his friend’s conversation instead. They’re arguing about something mundane—food, it seems—and Jinyoung finds himself missing the times when forcing his friends to make food runs for him was one of his biggest joys in life.

Even if they’re ’okay’ now, he still feels strangely melancholic around Daehwi. He can’t shake the feeling. Ducking his head to angle his phone screen away from Daehwi, Daehwi seems to be able to tell.

Of course he can. He’s always been too good at reading people, even if his manners aren’t always as consistent.

“Hyung?” Daehwi asks. It’s just one word, one intonation, but it feels so heavy on Jinyoung’s ears.

Jinyoung clicks the button on his phone to turn off the screen, then glances back at Daehwi. “Yeah?” He keeps his gaze steady for a moment, but Daehwi’s reply comes slow, and Jinyoung’s eyes end up flickering to his hands instead.

God, it’s been too long since he’s held Daehwi’s hand. They fit so snugly entwined with his own, filling in every gap between Jinyoung’s fingers. It’s something so small and silly to realize, but he misses it just as much as every other big display of affection they used to partake in.

“You okay?”

Jinyoung straightens up when Daehwi speaks. For as long as he hasn’t held Daehwi’s hand, it’s been even longer since Daehwi said those words. Months, but he doesn’t know how many.

He laughs despite himself, covering his face with his palm and squeezing his nose so he doesn’t start tearing up again. He’s exhausted enough tears for the next two years. At this rate he’s going to be known as the crybaby in the dorms, which is a title he’s already decided he does not want.

“Hyung?” Daehwi says again, likely shocked by his sudden laughter.

“Yeah, sorry,” Jinyoung says quickly. “I’m okay. I’m fine. Why?”

Daehwi shrugs. “Just checking, I guess. You’ve spent a lot of time on your phone tonight, and...” he trails off. “I thought... you usually don’t, so... I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Jinyoung knows why Daehwi hesitates. He does too, still. The ideas of whether Daehwi has drastically changed in the time they didn’t spend together, unlikely as it is, or if Daehwi’s habits changed while Jinyoung wasn’t paying attention.

“I’m fine, really.” He clears his throat. “But, um. Thanks for asking.”

“Of course,” Daehwi says easily. “Anytime.” He takes out his own phone, but doesn’t move off of Jinyoung’s bed. Jinyoung returns to his own screen after a few moments of waiting to see if Daehwi will keep talking.

Sitting in silence is something Jinyoung actually enjoys, and was one of his favourite ways to spend time with Daehwi (and still is, he supposes). Occasionally they’ll show each other funny images, but it’s comfortable to not say anything or interact as well.

And this feels right. To sit here with Daehwi and just do... nothing, really, except exist beside each other.

Eventually, Jinyoung sniffles out of nowhere. “Allergies?” Daehwi asks.

Jinyoung rubs at one eye with his thumb. “Yeah,” he lies, and Daehwi laughs and goes to get him medication. Jinyoung blows his nose and gets rid of the remnants of his tears before Daehwi gets back and nags at him for not taking his medicine sooner.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to yell at me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/btajhs) or [cc](http://curiouscat.me)
> 
> \-- i hope you enjoyed reading! please let me know in the comments what you thought. as i said before, i put a lot of love and effort into this story... jinyoung is my bias & his friendships with the other members are really important to me and so i wanted to do them all (and him) justice. thank you for reading once again!!


End file.
